But I hate you. I hate that I am such a competitive person and am placing so horribly at competitions. I hate that its such a subjectively judged sport. I hate that I love it so much that even when I am placing last (seriously, what is going on) that instead of thinking about giving it up - I am just continuously beating myself up for what I am doing wrong.
Yesterday we had a feis. I wasn't feeling overly confident about competing, but I didn't feel awful. But awful is about how well I can describe how I did. Before even seeing the final results, I know I placed last or second to last. How do I know this? I can do math. Ha! Seriously though, when we have 7 dancers in a competition (Reels for example) and the score sheet thats posted places the top 5 and I am not on there, guess what? I placed in the bottom two. Not something to be overly proud of.
So what do I do? I have recorded myself dancing and can see what I need to work on. But... my teachers don't make it to competitions to see what I am doing wrong or what I need to work on. Do I look for new teachers? Do I just keep plugging along? The frustration is weighing me down.
|hey look, I'm smiling! Before finding out how badly I placed.|
So for the next week, my life is going to be consumed by dance. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, all day Saturday.
Let you know how it all goes!